Highlander Found Page 10

  What sickened her even more was the fact that, he hadn’t been able to fulfill his “duty” as he proclaimed, unless he had been partaking of his sadistic nature. He was a sexual sadist and he reveled in the pain her caused, he got off on it.

  Audrina continued to gasp as she willed her mind to turn to other thoughts. She was certain now of her love for Colin, and she clung to it as if it was the life saver she was so desperately clawing for. She was drowning in a sea of emotions and she needed her rock, her savoir and she knew without a doubt that had always been and always would be Colin.

  She remembered the day she walked through the gates she was now staring at. She remembered the standoff with young Colin and at first, she had despised him for not accepting her straight away, but when he fell and cut his chin, all of that had fled from her soul as she realized, he was just like her, struggling to survive in a harsh and cruel world that showed no mercy to the sick and the weak. Maeve had decided right then and there that this boy was hers. God may have taken her family and her sisters from her in the epidemic, but he gave her back someone else, Colin.

  Audrina remembered growing up in the keep and the day Colin had given her the tower room to practice her medicine. She had flounced around the room touching everything. He had worked the wood to create the benches and work tables for her and he had collected her stores from her room while she slept and organized them on the shelves. He had done it for her for her eighteenth birthday, a year before they would be parted from one another upon her death.

  Audrina remembered why she had men’s clothing in her trunks. Maeve and Colin would sneak out of the castle, just as Donal had done to ride his horse in the fen, and they would run into the woods and swim in the creek together on a hot summer’s eve when the humid air was too much to combat with a wet cloth and a pat down upon their brows. Colin had taught her to swim in the creek and they would cool off with one another, and occasionally explore other aspects of their relationship if they were in the mind to do so, and they often were, resulting in having to cool off before they went too far, with another dip in the cool water.

  They would then sneak back into the castle where Colin kept a spare change of clothes in her trunk, so he didn’t risk waking Alisdair when they still shared a chamber with one another as young men.

  After the death of Uncle Dougal, and before they were to be wed, Colin had moved into his old chamber, but they kept the spare clothes there, out of habit. Maeve would sometimes exchange her nightshift for his long linen shirt, because it felt as if she was being wrapped in one of his hugs.

  Audrina felt the tears slipping down her cheeks as the memories came crashing back down around her. She knew she had been Maeve, and she knew Maeve was her. They were one soul sharing one body with the duality of two very different minds that were warring at the dynamic between the two, and anxiously seeking the reprieve of melding together to become one.

  She understood the way the spell on the pin worked now. It hadn’t been a curse after all. It had been a calling to Scotland’s magic and mystery. The same feeling of kinship and longing she felt for the place she had never stepped foot on, was because she had stepped foot on it, in another lifetime. She recognized the words her sisters had told her about the way Scotia’s magic worked. It was elemental in nature. Everything was one and the one made up everything. The very sun that beat down on Scotland’s lands, was the same sun to beat down upon all the land, and in its light, find and recognize the blood of Maeve MacClaran and call her home. The blood was the key, when Audrina’s blood spilt over the pin, and the sun shone on it, the elemental magic worked its will and brought her home. When she lost the pin in the bog, wherever it had fallen with her blood on it, once the sun shone on it, it transported itself to her and to where she belonged, in Colin’s keep.

  Audrina’s mind began to swim as she missed her sisters. Her quest to find as much detail about her family with her grandfather, paled in comparison to finding the memories that had been locked away in her mind. She remembered Moria’s sassy temperament and Catriona’s firm resolve to teach Maeve, a young, six-year-old little girl as much magic as she could before the ravages of life and time staked their claim over her mortal self. Audrina was certain she would one day meet her sisters again, but in the now, she was still struggling to come to terms with herself.

  What did all of this mean now that she had her memories back? It was as if a great veil had lifted itself and with clarity it also brooked uncertainty. Could she trust her own mind? Had her life in San Francisco been real? Her mind told her that essentially yes, it was. Her grandfather had still raised her, but also her Uncle Dougal had raised her. She had been a trauma nurse with a love of romance novels and pictures, but she also was a healer and endless pursuant of the dashing young Colin MacClaran.

  Audrina felt as though the weight that had been lifted, also presented its own set of tangles and traps, ensnaring her in a web of questions and doubts. Would Colin recognize her as his true love if she tried to explain to him that she was the reincarnate of Maeve? Would he believe her that not only did she now hold all of Maeve’s memories, thoughts and feelings, but she retained her own as well, as Audrina James? She had so many questions yet unanswered, and so many new truths to ponder, she didn’t know who to turn to for answers. She wondered if praying might help. Her grandfather always told her, when in doubt, give him a shout. But would the Lord recognize her and answer her prayers? She was a witch after all and Audrina knew that especially in this age, witches and religion, did not mix. Sure, there were practicing Wiccans in her time, but they incorporated some of the Christian views into their own practices, some even professing their belief in God. They simply chose to believe in the magic of the universe as well. It largely coincided with how Audrina felt about the ‘higher power’, but how was she going to explain this all to a group of people who would more as like, burn her at the stake for merely mentioning the word witch, than accept her for who she was.

  Audrina’s head pounded, and she gazed into the star-filled night and wondered what she would do now. She glanced around the courtyard and espied the tiny chapel that was sitting at the far end. It looked barren and unused. She wondered if anyone went in there anymore, as she had yet to see any lights on inside the chapel and she had never heard of anyone mention a service.

  Audrina decided if she was going to make peace with anyone, she would first need to make peace with God about all of this. She gathered her kilt that Colin had given her. It must have been an extra that Colin had made for Maeve as a wedding present. She had been wearing one when she was taken, and he had obviously kept this one wrapped for the past year and given it to her upon her return. She suspected he had several made, because until Maeve was wed into the MacClaran family, tradition dictated that she wore the James tartan, as it was still her kin. Audrina took comfort in recalling the finite details of Scottish customs that her grandfather had instilled upon her, and she wrapped them in her mind like a cloak, just as she wrapped the tartan around her body and secured it in place with the pin.

  She carefully tiptoed to the door and listened to hear if anyone was outside in the hallway. When she opened the door, she was grateful someone had oiled the hinges, because it slid open silently. Audrina tiptoed down the hallway and descended the stairs. She recalled from memory that Mary had escorted Maeve to the chapel by the back door of the great hall and she too went out that door, as it deposited her next to the back door of the chapel.

  Audrina looked left and then right and then stole across the courtyard until she reached the door to the antechamber of the chapel, and she carefully eased it open. Her heart was fluttering, but she was grateful that everyone was asleep at such a late hour and that she wouldn’t be stopped and questioned for her presence in the chapel. She sat at one of the pews, praying quietly and thinking she was alone. She was alone in her mind, but what she did not see was Colin in a dark alcove of the chapel, watching her and listening to her prayers.

  CHAPTER 20<
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  “God, if you can hear me, are you listening? I don’t know what to do. The memories…they’ve come back to me now and I don’t know if I should tell Colin and the others. What if they think I’m crazy or persecute me for being a witch? I don’t want to lie, but I don’t know what else to do,” Audrina spoke quietly into the dark.

  She looked around her and began to notice shapes in the dark. There were several worn wooden benches and the pulpit was plain and unadorned. Audrina saw simple wooden crosses lining the walls in between the windows. Everything was covered in a fine layer of dust, like the chapel hadn’t been used in a while. She wondered if Colin had neglected it after such a sacrilegious and treacherous betrayal that the priest committed against he and Maeve. She was sure that must be the reason, but it saddened her that he had lost his faith. Like her, she was sure he still retained some of his faith, believing in a higher being, but he had his own issues to sort out with his relationship with God.

  Audrina spoke again, “I would feel bad about lying, but what else should I do? Should I pretend I really did lose my memory? They already think it is so. Would one tiny lie outweigh the shadow of a larger one?” Again, her words rang out in the darkness and echoed off of the barren walls.

  There was a peace to be found there, in the shadows of the night in the darkened chapel. It had once bore witness to a great tragedy, but Audrina found the peace lay in the simplicity of the tiny chapel. It was sure to have seen many marriages and Christenings, and even deaths. Audrina found the peace in this revelation, because at least one who passed and was sent to heaven within the walls of this chapel, would have found more peace than poor Maeve.

  Audrina remembered the funeral for her grandfather like it was yesterday. It had been in a small parish, much like this one. He hadn’t wanted anything large and flashy, but that was who he had been as a person. He was always quiet and reserved and with the exception of a few of his poker buddies, no one else except she and the priest had been in attendance that day. She listened to his words about ashes to ashes and dust to dust, and she pondered over them, wondering at the time if that meant he had become a part of something larger. Maybe that was the great power or being that people put their faith in. Would his ashes someday become part of the particles floating downriver in a stream that was bottled and shipped to third world countries to save the life of a child who was dying of thirst? Audrina hadn’t understood these thoughts at the time, but with all of her revelations about Maeve, she was certain she somehow understood it better now.

  Through Maeve’s blood, her blood, she was able to come full circle and return to her Colin. She wasn’t sure what that meant though, just that it was. Did that make her destiny as Maeve fulfilled? What did that mean for her, Audrina? Were the two inevitably and irrevocably interlocked and this was as it was meant to be from the start? Or had Maeve’s meddling with the magics and witchcraft been the catalyst that tied the two of them together?

  Audrina rocked back and forth on the pew, humming an old hymn that her grandfather used to sing. She found it brought her comfort and solace in a time where she was mourning the death of her modern life and celebrating the rebirth of a life that had been taken all too soon.

  Audrina wondered what had happened to poor Maeve? What had Cotswold done with her body? She was sure that Colin and his family had a burial practice they would have liked to have performed in her honor. Had they? Were they forced like some parents of missing children in the modern day, to officially declare her missing and deceased? Did they perform a ceremony, only to be left partially empty inside, knowing they would never know for certain if she was truly gone? Audrina mourned for them. She mourned for Maeve.

  She couldn’t bear to sit still any longer, so she got up and paced the chapel. It didn’t take her long to come full circle and walk down the center aisle. Memories of euphoria and ecstatic gaiety filled her as she recounted Maeve’s anticipation of meeting Colin down the center aisle. Audrina walked the very path that Maeve did and let herself come to rest in front of the pulpit. She turned to a non-existent Colin and said aloud the very words Maeve had on the day of her wedding. She felt a sense of serenity wash over her, like part of her soul that had not become raveled in Colin’s was finally laid to rest, the frayed edges that Cotswold had snatched at, slowly unwinding her at her core, were now singed from Cotswold’s grasp, and the cauterization could finally be laid to rest. She, Audrina, knew what had happened to Maeve. Maybe someday others would know too, but for now, it was enough that she knew.

  None of this made her have any insights as to what to do about Colin and his family. Surely, they would want answers, or results someday. They would expect her to have a kinship with them over time. Of course, their unending patience and acceptance would have provided that anyway. They were good and honest people who loved, laughed, played, worked and worshiped and Audrina would have fallen for each and every one of them in her own way. But what they sought from her, she was unsure she knew how to give.

  Audrina approached the pulpit and rounded the small stand. She glanced down at the passage that lay open in the bible. It was the same passage the priest had read from when Maeve and Colin had been wed, thus confirming Audrina’s suspicions that no one had used the chapel since that dreadful night.

  Audrina read aloud, “1 Corinthians 13:4-5: ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs’."

  She thought about this passage. Colin, her love certainly had been patient. Would he continue to be patient with her if she chose not to tell him? He had also been exceedingly kind. As had Mary and Alisdair. Even little Donal had taken her in, without so much as a fuss. They must have loved Maeve fiercely for them to be so passionate about a virtual stranger. But again, Audrina’s consciousness warred with her, wondering if they would turn on her if she told them the truth. Audrina re-read the passage. Would lying to them constitute dishonoring them? If Colin found out the truth, would he think less of her for having known only Cotswold? It would definitely be self-serving of her to reveal nothing to anyone, and it was sure to incite anger in her family should they find out she was lying to them.

  Audrina sighed and gingerly closed the bible. A cloud of dust poofed up from the pages when the book slammed shut. She still had no idea what to do in regard to Colin and his family. If the verse was to be believed, then they would not keep record of her transgressions, but Audrina’s problem was, she now had the memories and actions of two lives to keep record of.

  “Are we not our own harshest judge, juror and executioner?” Audrina shook her fist at the cross. “Send me a sign! Tell me what to do!” she cried. Her world was so chaotic, and the old adage was ‘the Lord works in mysterious ways.’ The problem for Audrina was, thus far the mystery only continued to deepen, with no end in sight as to any revelations for her, or Maeve.

  Audrina dusted her hands off on her lap and walked back toward the antechamber of the chapel. She was no closer to finding answers here than she was in her chamber, and she figured she had best hurry back there, before her presence was missed.

  As she passed through the antechamber, she saw a shelf of books which held journals. With her curiosity piqued, she walked over to the shelf and pulled one of the journals down from the shelf. She flipped it open the last entry, and noted the date, for one-year prior, and the name of the priest, Father Gavin Graham. She could barely make out the words, but his inscription was to note the marriage of Colin MacClaran to Maeve James. He’d signed and dated the entry, and Audrina ran her finger over the faded ink. She suddenly got a flash of the thief that had tried to steal the kilt pin that day at the museum. Was it possible that like her ancestry, Father Graham, a scoundrel of a man had also passed down a legacy? What if he had been so adamant that “thou shall not suffer a witch to live” was his reasoning for betraying Maeve and Colin. What if he too passed down to his kin, the same zeal
ous religious views, and generations of Grahams related to the Father had been searching for the pin, so that Maeve could never be reincarnated from the dead? Cotswold surely had a hand in the priest’s treachery, but what if that was only fueled by a burning hatred that was already emblazoned within the priest’s heart? Rumors had already spread that Maeve practiced witchcraft. Her healing capabilities alone were testament to that. What if the rumors were fueled by the reputation of her sisters and then compounded by the unholy light that blazed high in that tower that night?

  With more questions than answers, Audrina snapped the book shut and put it back on the shelf. She didn’t see anyone sneak back to the castle ahead of her, which was why she was surprised when she found Colin waiting for her at her chamber door.

  CHAPTER 21

  “Colin!” Audrina cried. “What are you doing here?”

  “I could say the same tae ye, lass,” he said softly looking around. “Now, are ye goin’ tae let me in so we can discuss what I just heard ye confess in the chapel?”

  Audrina’s blood ran cold. She had confessed, out loud that she had her memories back. What was she going to tell him? Everything was still a bit of a blur. Her memories were there, but they were unfocused, like they were trying to mesh with the ones from her modern life.

  “Oh, very well, come in,” she snapped. She felt trapped, but she certainly wasn’t going to have this conversation out in the hall where anyone could hear them.

  Audrina immediately went to the window and looked down at the chapel. She had been foolish not to double check that no one was following her. What was she going to say to him?

  “Lass…” Colin began.

  She placed her hands on the window sill and held on firmly. She refused to turn around and look at him because then he might see the truth in her eyes.